Even God Needs Science

Saw this mechanized drum at a temple near home. Earlier temples hired drummers to play during daily ceremonies.

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Why-kee-pedia?

I caught my eleven year old nephew browsing the web and I asked him,
"What are you up to?"
He said, "I am researching on Tamil freedom fighters on 'why-kee-peedia'. For an essay?"

I was impressed. When I was his age, I had to rely on the government library in Greamspet, Chittoor, for research. The wiry, old librarian was a hostile man. He walked about in those cramped corridors between bookshelves, his shoulders hunched over and his eyes roving: we stole half the books within a week of the opening of the library. The modus-operandi was simple. Pick a book of your fancy, check if anyone's watching, if no one was, tuck the book under your shirt. And, walk s..l..o..w..l..y. That rule is the same I guess: for shoplifting, bank robbery, and running away from eateries without paying the bill. You always walked out calm and composed.

As time wore on I realised the importance of a library and how it could help me in my projects. So I stopped stealing books from libraries. Other than research, I chanced upon classics like Alex Hailey's Roots, Melville's Moby-Dick. The catch was that they were all Telugu translations. I didn't regret it though. I spent hours reading in the library. Now, I am not one of those 'well read' 'I-can-quote-Kafka' kind of a 'well read' guy. I read for fun. I read action, adventure, and stuff. And I read like a maniac.

My mom used to send me to the market to buy provisions or coffee. Those days they never used plastic covers: You walked into Anji Shetty's store and asked for say, half a kilo of moong dal. He packed it in a paper from a magazine or sometimes when you're lucky, a sheet from a Telugu novel. The cone shaped parcel was bound by Twine. Remember those huge twine globes hanging in old stores? They tugged the loose end and deftly wrapped your parcel, and snapped the Twine in one clean move? I used take that parcel home and wait for mom to unpack the parcel ("Don't tear the paper! Just undo the Twine!!") and grabbed that paper, sat down in the hall read it as if my life depended on it. I put together a collection of Telugu short stories that way, thanks to Anji Shetty's store.

I tore myself away from my reverie and noticed that my nephew was making notes. I didn't want to disturb him but I had a couple of questions.
"So you are interested in reading and writing about stuff like this?"

He said "Hmmmm? Interes.... I don't know?" and continued making notes. I could sense it. He wanted to say 'Why don't you buzz off?' I decided to push it. What the heck, as a kid, I had to bear with quite a few nosy morons. 'It is payback time buddy.' I thought. Also, I wanted to know what kind of reading my nephew did. Mark Twain? Crusoe? Nancy Friday?

"You don't read books? I mean you could go to the library and read about the freedom fighters... they have a lot of books..."

He stared at me and I could almost read his thoughts again. He said "But why!? I get that information on why-kee-pedia!" And, the first prize is only a 1000 Rupees! Who wants to walk to the library for 1000 Rupees!"

Touche.

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Chennai Vs Bangalore Debate

I wrote this post as a response to SelAm's post. First things first, I am a Chennai boy that lived in Andhra Pradesh for 20 years. I moved back to Chennai in 1993 and quit the city in 2001. I moved to Bangalore about five years back. I have lived in Pune and Indore. When I say lived, I mean lived there for at least six months.

I visited Bangalore first in 1996. I was deputed to Tata Yellow Pages's Bangalore office. I spent a couple of months there. As I was a salesman, I had to go around the city and thus was well acquainted with the city and its culture in a short time.

I don't know if one is predisposed to be biased about his home town, but I thought Chennai was better than Bangalore back then. There was no logic or rationale to that bias but I believed in it, fought for Chennai, and was quite sure I was right. My facts were rock solid: Chennai had better roads, better public transport... you know?

This is exactly where SelAm went wrong. If one were to go by infrastructure, I'd rate Kuwait better than Chennai or Bangalore. But, the question is, would you live in Kuwait? I won't. My liberty is more important than a pothole in the road. A city is not about roads and amenities. It is mostly about people. And culture. Both cities are rich in that regard. You really can't and should not choose between cultures. Each city has its unique personality and it'd be foolish to pose the question 'which has better culture?'

That said, we are left with this really tricky benchmark called 'Cosmopolitan'. Is Chennai more cosmopolitan? I don't think so. Having lived in Bangalore for close to five years, I can vouch for it: Bangalore is more cosmopolitan.

Take for example, food: the sheer number of cuisines Bangalore offers is a small yet significant testimony to that fact. I know people from Chennai will cry foul and throw a list of eateries in and around Chennai. Hang on people. I am talking accessibility and abundance here. Almost every street, lane corner has a food place in Bangalore. I *know* that is not the case in Chennai. Let's not even talk about variety of cuisines. Chennai is far behind Bangalore.

I think Bangaloreans are a liberal lot. This is my personal opinion but I don't think I can say that about Chennai. I thought of a million examples to illustrate my point but I thought better of it. It is *my* opinion! Bangalore's Cinemas show Tamil and Telugu movies. Chennai's don't show Kannada or too many Telugu movies. You tell me who is cosmopolitan.

There was some talk of who speaks better English on SelAm's post (see the comments). I don't understand the relevance of this point. So I choose not to respond to it.

Personally though, Bangalore makes better coffee than Chennai. Surprised? Walk into any of those 'Darshinis' and drink coffee.

Finally, I have to tell you this. Not because it is important but it reflects the hypocrisy of Chennai, the so called conservative 'Tamil' loving city.
Why the fuck do you need to be formally attired to go to a pub? And, these rules are only for us brown skinned bastards. If a white guy walked in clad in his undies, those ugly bouncers will let them in. Don't believe me? Why don't you try it yourself? 1) Residency Towers and 2) 10 Downing Street on North Boag road.

As far as the 'safe' city point, I don't think any of our cities are safe for women. So don't give me that bull on how Chennai is safer. No city is safe for Indian women in their country.

Don't rush to hate a city. You'll never realize how bad your crib is until you get out of it. And see some real cribs. I love Chennai for different reasons and Bangalore for different reasons. Though I was irritated with Indore, I grew to like it later. Or, my hometown bias has waned because I have lived in multiple towns. Whatever. I urge you to get your ass out and travel. Don't throw stones when you live in a... ok, I won't say it.

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Hats-off Chiba San!

At Toyota Kirloskar�s 10th anniversary do, a Japanese employee does the late Shankar Nag proud in the land of his birth, in the language of his life. [link]

Aside:This is an Ilayaraja number, which makes it more special.

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Hindutva Logic

"I do not know Pragnya Singh at all. But I know she is not a terrorist."
"No Hindu can be a terrorist."
- Praveen Togadia, leader of Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP).

Are we, the average citizens, morons? At least, that's the impression I get from speeches of the Thackerays and the Togadias.

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While we hang our heads in shame...

"My appeals to the policemen who were standing nearby and watching only resulted in further beating. At one point the nun slipped away to plead with the police for help but she was dragged back by the mob and her blouse torn," he said. The nun was gang raped in a nearby building, and he was doused with kerosene by the mob, which threatened to set him on fire. [Via The Hindu]

If we turn a blind-eye, it will come back to haunt us. It is such acts of barbarity that widens the divide. I don't want to get into the argument about how some missions are forcing conversions. There is no excuse for raping women, like there is none for killing innocent people in the name of Jihad. Hinduism as I know it does not condone it. We were taught to worship women. And look what the so called Hindutva torch-bearers did: they gang raped a nun, with cops as witnesses. Now pray tell me, if our cops can't stop a rape, how in the god's name are they going to save us from terrorists and their bombs?

If you think about it for a moment you'll understand how a bigot can exploit this terrible situation. It is easier than ever before to hate us Hindus. If we turn a blind-eye, it will come back to haunt us. Remember Gujrat? We are still paying for it. Do you think our children should pay for Gujrat too? I don't think so.

What is appalling is discovering fundamentalist, religious rhetoric from blue-collar voices. Like I always said, education does not teach you civic sense, culture, or tolerance. I am hurt. I am ashamed. I hang my head low today. I probably will for a long time.

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The Right to Stupidity

I wonder why we can't make Cigarettes, Bidis, and Ghutka illegal. A little Googling reveals that the government does not have the guts to do so:

• The Indian government considers Tobacco as a legal, agricultural product.
• Cigarettes contribute nearly 10 per cent of total excise to the exchequer. [Link]
  
• The Indian government has invested 33% in equity holdings of India's main tobacco companies. [Link]
• Tobacco industry gets every type of subsidy from A to Z and from Z to A -- agriculture, seeds, transport, water, electricity, the works. The total estimates have never been calculated.[ Link]
• ITC alone employs more than 20,000 people. So, if we made Cigarettes illegal, thousands of people will lose their livelihood. The government obviously does not want to get into this issue.
• Other than that, the bulk of India's domestic consumption of tobacco is in the form of chewing tobacco or smoking bidis. Because Bidis and other forms of Tobacco products are largely in the unorganized sector (and can't be brought under the tax net) the government screws the Cigarette smokers, who amount to only 13% of all tobacco smokers (see link) and pay 55% tax on every cigarette they buy. There is no way we are banning Cigarettes or declaring Tobacco as an illegal product.
  

Our Honorable Health Minister has hogged a lot of media coverage, thanks to his high-profile, high-visibility campaign against Tobacco consumption.
CNN-IBN quotes him:

"Right now the fine is Rs 200 rupees, but soon we want to make it Rs 1,000 for individuals and Rs 5,000 for institutions that are allowing this," said Ramadoss.

And, we all know about his public tiffs with Bollywood celebrities. To make his case, he comes up with statistics. He says "13 per cent children in the age group of 13-16 years consume tobacco." Yes sir, that is very sad. What is the remedy to it? Make a law, like in the USA, where one can't buy smokes unless he or she provides an identification and age proof. Now, you might laugh and say 'hey that is impossible to enforce in our country.' I agree. But so is the public smoking ban that will come into effect on October 2nd.

Some reports state that enforcing a ban on smoking has given positive results in developed countries. I am not against ban on smoking in public places mind you. My angst is that our Health Minister is doing this for publicity. There are graver health-care issues facing us.

A UNICEF report says:

• With over 240 million children under the age of five, India contributes 25 percent of the world�s child deaths. It is evident that a major turnaround in India will ensure a significant impact globally!"
• "The message of hope in this challenging scenario is that a vast majority of children can be saved through a combination of good care, nutrition, and medical treatment. It is believed that other easy measures could prevent 90% of diarrhea deaths, 62% of pneumonia deaths, 100% measles deaths 92% malaria deaths, 44% HIV/AIDS deaths and 52% neonatal fatalities."

We are a different country. Statistics and research from the so called developed countries are not entirely relevant to us. The tobacco consumer profile is unique in India. The health minister should be forming his anti-tobacco/anti-smoking policies based on ground realities and not on some fancy report from the West. And, he should be saving our dying children instead of trying to save idiots that smoke out of their free will. An adult smokes knowing fully well that it is harmful. That is his liberty. It is impractical and silly to play the big daddy and think for every goddamned adult in this country.
We voted for you sir but we'd like it if you stopped poking your nose in our personal lives. Stop shopkeepers selling smokes to kids and leave the adults of this country alone. If an idiot chooses to die, he will. Ban or not. I am an idiot and I know it. And, I have the right to be an idiot, as long as I am not enroaching on someone else's liberty.

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Raj Thackeray Logic: Throw the Maharashtrians out of Bangalore!

After attacking migrants from UP and Bihar, Maharashtra Navnirman Sena leader Raj Thackeray has now trained his guns at a growing number of North Indian students coming to Pune for higher education.

"Pune, with its large number of reputed universities and institutions imparting higher education is attracting students from these states who are being given admissions on massive donations leaving in the lurch the deserving Marathi aspirants," he said at a party rally held here on Sunday night, defying police ban.

[Via The Hindu]
So Raj, can we go ahead and deport all Maharashtrian software engineers from Bangalore? I am not for it but going by your logic, looks like Bangalore has to lose the Maharashtrians. What!? Raj, I can't hear you? Can you talk after you finishing chomping on your Vada Pav?

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Honesty Pays. And How!

See for yourself

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Here we go again Chennai!

This time is it is the outfit that Mallika Sherawat wore during the release of Dasavatharam's music. It seems some self-proclaimed guardians of the so called Tamil culture tried lodging a complaint against Mallika. But the cops refused to accept the complaint saying it is impossible to enforce a dress-code. Oh really? Ask the students of Anna University sirs. Also see the FrontLine piece. Scary!

Now the cynic in me tells me that the cops are doing this because the Chief Minister too shared the stage with Mallika.

Let us, for a moment, think that the guardians of Tamil morality are right... then, they need to burn all the weekly Tamil magazines. I kid you not, but every magazine that's worth its name carries pictures of skimpily clad actors. Every week!

Strange but these guardians of morality do not seem to have a problem with actors baring skin in Tamil movies (which are very high on Tamil culture). Why are we being such hypocrites!

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Cartoon wants animated characters instead of cheerleaders

Siddharam Mhetre, Minister of State for Home and guardian of Indian morality has called the cheerleaders of IPL 'absolutely obscene'. He also suggested that they use 'animated' characters in the place of cheerleaders. Why didn't anyone think of it? Didn't you all know that you are going to offend a few cartoons in this country when you brought those lovely girls to cheerlead?
Mr. Mhetre also said:
[quote]"We live in India where womanhood is worshipped. How can anything obscene like this can be allowed?" he asked. Mhetyre wondered why the organisers require "semi- nude" women to entertain people at cricket matches.[/quote] Oh gee! Really? Aren't you from the same party that watched in glee as rabid mobs slaughtered pregnant women in Gujrat?

Sharukh said: "What's wrong with cheerleaders? I am also a family person, I do not see anything negative in it," Yeah, I am sure Karan won't mind the cheerleaders. As long as they are women. Hee hee.

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No entry for educated dogs

There is this song in the Tamil movie Pudupettai, whose lyrics 'Padicha naaye ulla varaadhey' translate to 'No entry for educated dogs'. Thank you Selva Raghavan! And, I have heard our so called elders vent out their ire against a non-conforming person by saying 'padicha thimiru!' (arrogant that he/she is educated). Human nature?

For most of us getting a post-graduation berth in an IIT or IIM or AIIMS is impossible, but there are those that work hard and are blessed with a better IQ, who make the cut. So most of us would just love to trash the guys from IIMs. 'Oh this guy is supposed to be an IIM guy and gaawd, he is such a dud!' or 'IIT guys are arrogant and they lead a cocooned life.' or 'All IIT guys are gay.' You know? Yes, yes you are right. Sour grapes. But our governments have found a way to make you and me (if we belong to one of the the OBCs) enter the hallowed precincts of IIT or IIM, without having worry too much about our score and rank: yessir, Quota it is. But, these is some hope:

Three judges in the five-judge bench � Justices Arijit Pasayat, C K Thakker and Dalveer Bhandari � were of the view that graduation should be the cut off limit for availing quota benefits. Source: ET

Did I say there is hope? But we also have Dr. Anbumani Ramadoss, our Health Minister.

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has been pushing the Health Ministry to set up private medical colleges, but his plea has fallen on deaf ears. For the past eight months, Health Minister Anbumani Ramadoss has failed to get the Medical Council of India change the laws that will help private sector enter the field of medical education.(via CNN-IBN)

Our honorable Health Minister, instead of attracting private participation in health education, chooses to tax the doctors of this land with a three year mandatory rural service (or three lacs in lieu of the rural service). If this mandatory service becomes a reality, it changes nothing for health care in rural areas: we'll end up with a disgruntled doc with only a steth for equipment in a PHC. The infrastructure is pathetic in government hospitals in metros, leave alone rural areas.

Quite a few of my doctor friends, who passed out recently out of MBBS, have opted to study masters in the USA; I noticed a marked increase in the percentage of doctors going abroad. And why not? What is the point of staying back and getting raped by successive populist governments?

There will be some that will argue that doctors 'must' serve. I agree, but if you want them to serve you, make life easy for them. Don't take a knife called quota and ram them where the sun don't shine. Give them better infrastructure so they can serve, instead of wasting the tax payer's money on schemes like a free color fucking TV to the voters!

What we do, by introducing quota for higher education (instead of stopping it at the graduate level) is this: we send a message 'It is okay to be mediocre'. God save my country. Please. Make all the dogs that want to go to the USA, stay back. Happy Selva? No? But of course!

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Chennai Cops At It Again

"There won't be any unnecessary poking into human relationships...normal relationships would not be disturbed," he told reporters when asked whether any special measures would be in force for the Valentine's day in the city to prevent any untoward incidents.

(Via Sify)
That was the Police Commissioner of Chennai Mr. Kumaran being generous. Despite so many pressing, critical issues that plague the city, Chennai's top cop finds it worthy to talk to the press about moral policing on a day when young people want to celebrate love as they know it. So how will he ensure if a couple is married or not? Non-Hindu girls do not wear Mangalsutr sir. Um, are you asking us to carry copies of our marriage certificates? That makes sense, doesn't it? I think he deserves a medal for this. Thank you sir! If not for you we would degenerate and disintegrate into immoral pieces of trash.

Aside: Check this line from the Sify piece. Hilarious:

If Kumaran enforces his diktat, it may be couples who are not in wedlock and display their affection a little too openly who may be under the watchful eyes of police tomorrow, a day when lovers are in gay abandon.

Yawn!

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Poor Indian Woman

When I was in sixth standard, I was going home from school in the bus. I sat next to a girl, my class mate. I really didn't understand then the scornful expression on my friends' faces. The next day one of them said, 'How could you sit next to her?' When I asked 'Why the hell not?' He said, 'They are girls!' That's how deep rooted the discrimination is around here. We just don't want to accept our women as our equals. Now, if one wants to treat the opposite sex as an adversary I am fine with it. Well, some men (most men) just won't get it. But I have a serious problem with men attacking the dignity of women. Especially when those men are educated and have blue collar jobs. The recent Juhu case is so shocking to you and me because the media went ballistic on it. Some people went 'Oh what a shame on Mumbai! I always thought it was a safe city!' or 'It will never happen in Bangalore or Chennai.' Even I went with the latter statement for a while but reality bit and here I am. Why do we some of us Indians, despite being taught to worship women, go about raping, molesting, and killing our girls? Why do most of us think that if a girl wears a sleeveless top, she is 'easy'? Why do quite of few us boys have serious problems with reporting to a woman boss? Why are we Indian men so repressed?

Kalpana Sharma writes in her excellent piece, in The Hindu Sunday Magazine:

The real issue that we must grapple with when such incidents occur has a name; it is "patriarchy". It includes the inability of men to accept that women have rights, that they are human beings, that they should be left alone, that they have a right to occupy space in the public arena.

I agree with her but she doesn't offer her thoughts on why some men find it hard to accept that women are human beings and not mere objects that a man can possess. Think about it, in a family run by a working couple, it is the woman that is expected to cook, wash, and take care of the kids after performing her duties at the office. We just take it for granted. Probably most women do too. And, if the husband tells his buddies that he helps her out in the kitchen or babysits while she is at work, he is likely to be ridiculed as an uxorious idiot. I think women should set the record straight and start settling scores: tell your man that he's got to pull his weight at home. Show the finger if need be woman!
I think it has to do with the pseudo morality that plagues our society. In our towns and villages thousands of boys are right now listening to someone telling them that a woman should not lift her head when she walks or a woman's true calling lies in serving her husband and his entire kandhan. Right in now in some small town a rape victim is asking the rapist to marry her. So deep rooted is this discrimination that it is almost impossible for the average Indian male to lose the indoctrination or its effects. Most of us discriminate without even realising it! When I asked one of my software engineer friends what kind of a job his wife-to-be would take up post marriage, he shot back without batting an eye-lid, 'What job? She has the kitchen and she has to raise my kids. That should keep her busy for a lifetime.' The she in question was studying MBA then. I am positive she is using her business school lessons in her elaborate kitchen. I am a chauvinist too at some level I think. I come from a small town where a girl clad in jeans was called a whore. No matter how far I have broadened my perspective and expanded my horizons, I can't look you in the eye and say I don't discriminate. I probably do without realising it. So girls if I ever had said or done anything that offended I am sorry.
Now, the other thing is in all those small towns and villages right now, a movie hall is playing a sleazy movie that has 'bits' Right now there is a college kid sitting in that movie hall (and probably his father in the back row who doesn't know his son is watching the movie). No I am not saying it is right or wrong. All I am saying is if so many men want to watch such movies, we should allow it. Make it legal I mean. Men over 18 can buy permits to watch such movies. But I know I am barking up the wrong tree. We as a society are so sexually repressed and that coupled with our condescending, patronizing, and chauvinistic attitude towards women, we make it seem that it is ok for a guy to feel a girl up in the bus. Or slap her bottom on M.G. Road. That's what boys do, right? Every one of my women friends have a story from their school time or college time. And each one of those stories reeks of the repression of the Indian male. We as a society with our holier than thou, prude outlooks are right now perpetrating a crime against a woman. How do we stop it? I don't know. Probably we should make fornication legal? If two mutually consenting adults decide to do it, you and I have no right or say in that matter. But does it work that way? Nope. But what is possible is we could stop blaming the girls for wearing what they like. Our cops can really stop harassing boys and girls dating. And, women in politics can really shut up and not holler about how Indian women can't have premarital sex.

Now, don't mistake me. There's no magic weapon to eradicate rape. There will always be that psychopath lurking in the dark corners and deserted alleys. There will always be that lecherous old man that will molest our girls. There will always be that demented mind. What I am really worried about is some of my educated, software engineers friends assaulting women. I am worried about mobs sexually assaulting women in our towns. Let me draw a parallel for you: if a terrorist goes about killing innocent people, well, that's bad. But if, like it happened in Gujrat, if lay people come together and go about slaughtering innocent people, we have a serious problem on our hands. That is why what happened in Mumbai should be dealt with severely and we should make an example of the guilty and tell people that such atrocities will not be tolerated.

Finally, after all my ranting, if I ever wanted this post to achieve something, it is this: I want you to think about it. Are we treating our women well? Are we giving them the respect that they so deserve? No, I am not asking you to be the epitome of chivalry. No sir. All I am asking you is before you spew the venom about a colleague or some girl you know and go about judging her, try to think for five seconds before you fire away. That's a start. A worthy start if you will.

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Why don't many boys in TamilNadu get any

Now, put that knife down. Stop writing that hate-mail. I am a Tamilian. Phew! A few months back I met this guy-who-I-don't-wish-to-name. Our conversation veered towards the pseudo-conservativeness of Chennai and he blew his lid. He made the usual statements like 'we need culture. Bangalore or Mumbai may not have it but I will defend Chennai's culture yada-yaa.' So I asked him, after much deliberation, "are you telling me that you will refuse to get laid before you get married?" And he actually said "Yes!" There was silence. And, he said "I'll try not to do it but I don't know I might just end up doing it. If it is within my control I won't but if I can't control it I may just do it, you know what I mean?" I didn't know what the fuck he meant. I wish him good luck and I sincerely hope that no sane girl ever dates him. No girls, trust me, these boys will mess your head up.

I thought he was an exception but turns out, he is not. The Chennai HC has issued a notice to Sushmita Sen over her comments on pre-marital sex. I wonder who these gentlemen are; those that scour the armpits of the fourth estate and fish out statements that celebs make and file PILs and cases against the celebs... How utterly jobless one must be to do all of that? How utterly unlaid one must be to indulge in such crass, attention-seeking stunts?

Why is women having pre-marital sex such an issue? If the boys do it it is ok? Why not the girls? Because they can get pregnant? Tell me, please? You can trust a woman to be your Chief Minister but you won't like it if an adult, unmarried girl chooses to do it?

Bro, if you are from Chennai, please travel to other places. Go to Bangalore or Pune or Mumbai. Stay there for a few months. Don't judge the city. Just drink it in. And then you'll realise the difference between a city and a large, Taliban ghetto. Can we do something to save our great city people? Hmmm? No?

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NDTV Plays Big Daddy

This case is just another example of how children of the newly rich across the National Capital Region are picking up wrong habits.

That's an excerpt from NDTV's coverage of the Gurgaon School Shootout.

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Want bun? Get married first!

Man in South India married a dog.

...the groom and his family then had a feast, while the dog got a bun.

I hope he stops with the marriage and does not think of consummating it. Poor Selvi.

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Small Towns. Big Hearts

"Guys coming from small-time towns are generally mentally and physically tougher than those coming from the metros. The infrastructure and facilities are not there and so players from smaller towns have to work harder," M.S. Dhoni (source: DNA)

1) Small town parents rarely encourage their progeny to go chase a wild dream like Cricket. They want him or her to shut the hell up and focus on school. So, if a guy surfaces, despite all the aforementioned odds, he will be very good. Passionate, committed, and without airs.

2) Small town guys are hard workers. They have to get out and play. No watching some stupid show on TV. No Playstation. No dates. No shit.

3) Small town guys start smoking and other good habits late, comparatively. I know alcoholics in Bangalore that are barely 21.

4) Most important, small town guys don't get any. The town is conservative and girls are not gonna hop on your bike and go out with you. Privacy is rare; everyone knows everyone, so the fear of getting caught in action rules over the evolutionary urge. Small town guys have strong arms. See?

5) Small town guys don't want to be intellectual unlike quite a few guys in Bangalore who act like they are Kafka's testicles. Small town guys keep it simple. They prefer a Malayalam movie over reading D.H.Lawrence. Human digest is popular too, by the way.

6) Small town guys are more in sync with nature than city boys. I was shocked when someone called a Kingefisher 'exotic.' No, not the beer you oaf! See what I mean?

7) Small town guys don't want to learn French. Awwwwwwwwww!

That's all I could think of now. If you want to add to the list, you know what to do partner.

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Bollywood and Melodrama

"The way they are running polls and interviews, romanticising the prisoner, is ridiculous. Why isn�t Bollywood shedding tears for the victims of the bomb blasts?"
-- Ujwal Nikam, Public Prosecutor, 1993 Mumbai Blasts case.

I don't get it. What were these morons thinking? That melodrama will win over the judiciary? I am ashamed that the dearth of real-life heroes should come back and bite us like this: we glorify and make these Bollywood twerps into real heroes. I some times think that media regulation is actually a good idea in this country. TV channels, especially, went on overdrive, romanticizing the whole Sanjay Dutt story. Every convict in this country has a mother, probably a sister and a spouse too... the fact that Sanjay Dutt has family is not fucking good enough for me to sympathize with him and condone his crime. He is a great star all right, that does not mean he can get away with his rather stupid misadventure (crime?)

There is the other argument that Sanjay Dutt did a lot of social work blah-blah. No matter how much 'good' work a criminal does after committing the crime, it will never undo the crime and its effect. So that is not even an argument.

I request the courts to do us all a favor and deport those monkeys that make statements like 'Sanju baba has suffered a lot, he has haemmoroids.' Or 'Sanju Baba had a tough divorce'

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25 sites wecan't live without

The Time magazine has compiled this list. How relevant this is to us Indians is debatable. I mean, if I were to compile it, I'd include a matrimony site for sure. Marriage is a big deal, and for a lot of girls people in this country, is a life ambition. See the 25 sites they can't live without

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Is this blogger a racist moron?

Saket, my friend, stupidity is your right but why advertise it?

To the best of my knowledge, racism involves tangible discrimination between people or groups of people purely on the grounds of race.

Really? Wow!

For the record, when I was twenty, I had a girlfriend.

Ha ha ha! This guy is impossible. He writes great fiction though.

I guess the only way you can treat a woman that you actually know in the physical world, is as an individual.

Shite! I always treat individual women as flocks of sheep. And, in the metaphysical world, I treat all women as men. Thanks for the tip Saket. Did you undergo special training to come up with such gems?

I still consider that the average South Indian woman is less attractive as compared to the average North Indian woman. And I guess I speak for a lot of people. This does not apply to individuals, however.

Uh-huh? "This does not apply to individuals, however?" Um, am I missing something here? Saket, you are the blogger of the year man. Oh man!

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I don't believe this!

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The Role of an Army Wife

Drink wine in moderation "if situation so demands" but no "bear" (sic) and hard drinks. And no smoking.
Greet "with smile and not cheaply".
Learn table manners, including about napkins, seating, roses and candles.
Avoid getting "closer to past flames or steer fresh passions"
Dress "simple and elegant" and "not gaudy" but "be with the times" and "don't underdress".
Keep fit, "don't crib", "don't pretend illness", "don't always fall sick", "don't throw tantrums".
Know ballroom dancing, some steps of garba, dandiya and other Indian dances, but "don't be vulgar".
Don't laugh loudly. [via Outlook]

Mother promise! I did not make this up. This is straight from the document called 'The Role of an Army Wife' recently sent out to married army officers via their commanding officers. Apparently this document has a lot of typos and weird phrases, but tell you what, they got the 'underdress' right. Don't undress sounds awful to me. And, Major saab, does 'don't underdress' mean 'don't wear underwear.'
I hate those British bastards for doing this to us. We were such cool people once upon a time.

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Now, eat this!

Racism - episode 2
And how did these brilliant NDTV correspondents prove their story?

An advertisement on a new sports channel for the ongoing India-West Indies cricket series has raised many eyebrows.

No, that's not all. Here, check this out.

And critics suggest that if that was racism, then the advertisement is also guilty of the same.

Tell you what, raising of many eyebrows was used as a Barometer in ancient India. No, I am not joking. Dr. Acharya Somuchidononanda Pandey in one of his lectures elaborated upon how in the 9th century BC, people in the kingdom of Kichilika (now Chilakaluripet) observed eyebrow movements of prisoners, to predict snow storms. In fact, Contontik - 1, the ruler of Kichilika had a separate ministry called -no prizes for guessing- Eyebrow ministry. This method of eyebrow prediction spread across India. In fact, until as recently as the, uh, 14th century, the kingdom of Sumbakoodhis (now Delhi, but of course!) had a sports event (similar to Olympics) in which athletes competed in eyebrow raising competitions. The popularity of eyebrow raising then reached such heights that, it became a language by itself. Even today, you can witness eyebrow raising (known as Kalaasal in Tamil) in Chennai: go to any TASMAC shop on the east coast road and see how the tribesmen of QuarterGovindas interact with the clerk at the counter. Be warned that provoking the tribesmen can result in them calling you names using only eyebrows [for example, thevidiya payya (bastard) is decoded as "^^ >> ^` `~ (!)" .]

What amazes me is how did the NDTV correspondents use this ancient technique to predict and break new stories? I implore the management of NDTV to share with us historians, any data related to Kalasal, Sumbakoodhis, Kichilika, and QuarterGovindas.

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Presenting the Custodians of Our Judiciary

The Noida serial killers were beaten up by lawyers on Thursday outside the CBI court in Ghaziabad, near Delhi.
One of them, Moninder Singh Pandher fell unconscious. The lawyers were angry because they were not allowed into the court. [via NDTV]

I think we should just stone the accused to death, in public, instead of wasting the tax payers' money on the case. Judicial process is for civilized societies. Not for us. At least not for Delhi Lawyers.

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WWW: Why Are We Wimps

I read, I think in Tony Greig's book on Cricket, about how an Indian Hockey team, back in the 60s, was sent to Pakistan with strict instructions to �I kid you not� to lose the series. I don't know if this is a hangover from the SatyaGraha movement, we tend to place a lot of premium on being 'nice' to our enemies and detractors. Another sad example is what the India Tourism Office did: Invite Jade Goody to India, with open arms. Why are we such wimps? Why can't we display some character and stand up to people that throw shit at us?
You disagree? See what the Paki press is writing.

Now I know why Munnabhai 2 was such a hit. Now, don't go and preach me about Gandhian values and about how you should show your other cheek and bend over when someone repeatedly slaps you.

I condemn extremism, but I don't believe in being a wimp either. All I am saying is tough times need tough measures. Not your furry cheeks.

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Chennai: The land of the unlaid

NDTV reports yet again on moral policing. Some repressed cop chooses to use his position and power and treats adult citizens that vote like criminals. Their crime? They were in a club. If as a society Chennai is so concerned about morals and tradition why won't they say a word about their magazines? Take any mag like Kumudam or Ananda Vikatan and see for yourself: every other page will have a revealing picture of some actress or model. And they get away with it! Why this hypocrisy?
Is this why 'getting laid' is such a big deal in Chennai? ;-)

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