Poor Indian Woman

When I was in sixth standard, I was going home from school in the bus. I sat next to a girl, my class mate. I really didn't understand then the scornful expression on my friends' faces. The next day one of them said, 'How could you sit next to her?' When I asked 'Why the hell not?' He said, 'They are girls!' That's how deep rooted the discrimination is around here. We just don't want to accept our women as our equals. Now, if one wants to treat the opposite sex as an adversary I am fine with it. Well, some men (most men) just won't get it. But I have a serious problem with men attacking the dignity of women. Especially when those men are educated and have blue collar jobs. The recent Juhu case is so shocking to you and me because the media went ballistic on it. Some people went 'Oh what a shame on Mumbai! I always thought it was a safe city!' or 'It will never happen in Bangalore or Chennai.' Even I went with the latter statement for a while but reality bit and here I am. Why do we some of us Indians, despite being taught to worship women, go about raping, molesting, and killing our girls? Why do most of us think that if a girl wears a sleeveless top, she is 'easy'? Why do quite of few us boys have serious problems with reporting to a woman boss? Why are we Indian men so repressed?

Kalpana Sharma writes in her excellent piece, in The Hindu Sunday Magazine:

The real issue that we must grapple with when such incidents occur has a name; it is "patriarchy". It includes the inability of men to accept that women have rights, that they are human beings, that they should be left alone, that they have a right to occupy space in the public arena.

I agree with her but she doesn't offer her thoughts on why some men find it hard to accept that women are human beings and not mere objects that a man can possess. Think about it, in a family run by a working couple, it is the woman that is expected to cook, wash, and take care of the kids after performing her duties at the office. We just take it for granted. Probably most women do too. And, if the husband tells his buddies that he helps her out in the kitchen or babysits while she is at work, he is likely to be ridiculed as an uxorious idiot. I think women should set the record straight and start settling scores: tell your man that he's got to pull his weight at home. Show the finger if need be woman!
I think it has to do with the pseudo morality that plagues our society. In our towns and villages thousands of boys are right now listening to someone telling them that a woman should not lift her head when she walks or a woman's true calling lies in serving her husband and his entire kandhan. Right in now in some small town a rape victim is asking the rapist to marry her. So deep rooted is this discrimination that it is almost impossible for the average Indian male to lose the indoctrination or its effects. Most of us discriminate without even realising it! When I asked one of my software engineer friends what kind of a job his wife-to-be would take up post marriage, he shot back without batting an eye-lid, 'What job? She has the kitchen and she has to raise my kids. That should keep her busy for a lifetime.' The she in question was studying MBA then. I am positive she is using her business school lessons in her elaborate kitchen. I am a chauvinist too at some level I think. I come from a small town where a girl clad in jeans was called a whore. No matter how far I have broadened my perspective and expanded my horizons, I can't look you in the eye and say I don't discriminate. I probably do without realising it. So girls if I ever had said or done anything that offended I am sorry.
Now, the other thing is in all those small towns and villages right now, a movie hall is playing a sleazy movie that has 'bits' Right now there is a college kid sitting in that movie hall (and probably his father in the back row who doesn't know his son is watching the movie). No I am not saying it is right or wrong. All I am saying is if so many men want to watch such movies, we should allow it. Make it legal I mean. Men over 18 can buy permits to watch such movies. But I know I am barking up the wrong tree. We as a society are so sexually repressed and that coupled with our condescending, patronizing, and chauvinistic attitude towards women, we make it seem that it is ok for a guy to feel a girl up in the bus. Or slap her bottom on M.G. Road. That's what boys do, right? Every one of my women friends have a story from their school time or college time. And each one of those stories reeks of the repression of the Indian male. We as a society with our holier than thou, prude outlooks are right now perpetrating a crime against a woman. How do we stop it? I don't know. Probably we should make fornication legal? If two mutually consenting adults decide to do it, you and I have no right or say in that matter. But does it work that way? Nope. But what is possible is we could stop blaming the girls for wearing what they like. Our cops can really stop harassing boys and girls dating. And, women in politics can really shut up and not holler about how Indian women can't have premarital sex.

Now, don't mistake me. There's no magic weapon to eradicate rape. There will always be that psychopath lurking in the dark corners and deserted alleys. There will always be that lecherous old man that will molest our girls. There will always be that demented mind. What I am really worried about is some of my educated, software engineers friends assaulting women. I am worried about mobs sexually assaulting women in our towns. Let me draw a parallel for you: if a terrorist goes about killing innocent people, well, that's bad. But if, like it happened in Gujrat, if lay people come together and go about slaughtering innocent people, we have a serious problem on our hands. That is why what happened in Mumbai should be dealt with severely and we should make an example of the guilty and tell people that such atrocities will not be tolerated.

Finally, after all my ranting, if I ever wanted this post to achieve something, it is this: I want you to think about it. Are we treating our women well? Are we giving them the respect that they so deserve? No, I am not asking you to be the epitome of chivalry. No sir. All I am asking you is before you spew the venom about a colleague or some girl you know and go about judging her, try to think for five seconds before you fire away. That's a start. A worthy start if you will.

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