New Personality Definitions Based on Sun Signs

Disclaimer: These are not my words. I merely copied them from one of my friend's e-mails. I don't know who wrote this and I don't subscribe to the views of the author of this hilarious piece.

ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions.
Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone.
Most people hate you but you couldn't care less.
You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding.
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TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics.
You get on well with most people because you're bisexual.
You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
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GEMINI
your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character.
Simply you're a neurotic schizophrenic, a real fucking weirdo, the
type of person who'd kill themselves to win a bet.
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CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making
money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell a relative's
limbs to buy a mobile phone.
You are likely to be murdered.
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LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to
try anything. In other words stupid.
You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to
anything. Most Leos are living on welfare.
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VIRGO
You like the goods things in life and you know how to enjoy them,
but you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard.
Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women
are whores.
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LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This
makes you an asshole.
For your entire life people will make a complete prick of you.
Nobody will go to your funeral.
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SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles.
However these are your only good traits.
You screw small animals and love picking your nose.
You always have snot on your clothes.
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SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic type, soft hearted and a lover of the arts.
You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys.
You thrive on incest.
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CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type.
A mean self-centred cunt and a closet homosexual.
Your best friend is an altar boy.
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AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in
the legal system.
This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a
transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet
tights.
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PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation.
You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world.
Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron.
You will continue to fail. You're a prick.

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